Never say Never...

I used to say never a lot.

Here's the problem with "never."  It is rooted in judgment or fear. And while I do appreciate a strong opinion, for me, the nevers were  boxing me in.

I never run with music. This topic comes up a lot in running circles. And I had my strong opinion on it for years.

This was rooted in a decent period of time, where I ran well without music. I was focused and my head was clear. As the years progressed, there was a part of me that kind of felt superior because I didn't need  music.

Be well Earthlings-- this Viking Warrior Princess never runs with music. She is far too mature for such things.

 And there is the judgment. If there's one thing that will zap the life out of your running, it's judgment. It sneaks up on you too. Like a little devil, it works for a race or two, and you forget it's there. Then a couple years later.. BAM. You are wracked with insecurity, and don't quite know where it came from.

Judgment. All the nevers.

I loosened up a bit. In 2015, if I have a theme for the year, it's "Never say Never."

In March, I swallowed my superior attitude and dug out the pink headphones my trail daughter Haley had given me at the Bear 100. On one unseasonably hot day, at mile 5 of a 9 miler, I put them in. I got a helping of  glorious distraction, topped with a little gratitude my sweat didn't ruin the headphones.

My fear, that I too, needed more than the sounds and beauty of nature to accompany me on my runs was fully confirmed during the Gorge Waterfalls 100k. At  Mile 19 , my inner pacer ( sort of like an imaginary friend, except so much more) decided SHE wanted a dance party. I ran the next 40+ miles to the finish with one headphone in.

A real problem in a long race, is that your mind can start to wander. Sometimes to places it should not go, often corresponding with physical challenges. Your body isn't running as well as you had planned, your nutrition doesn't seem to be working or you just aren't feeling it. You might as well be a crying baby. And like a crying baby, if the music pacifies you, so you can move on. DO IT.

Yes, it is true. I am no better or worse than anyone else. I am just a runner who needs and appreciates a little help from a gadget now and then. Will I always  run with music? Probably not. Always can be just as damaging as never, as it locks you into one little box.

Speaking in "always" "never" terms can cause it's problems too. I have felt when with the "always/never" people that there is  a subliminal pressure, that for us to be friends, I have to feel the same as they do. That it isn't ok, for me to be a "sometimes" or better yet, "as needed or when applicable," person.

And then we are back to judgment. The one commandment no one seems to worry about. But we should.

Because, if we are judging others, chances are we are going to judge ourselves during the rough times, and I have yet to see something positive come from judgment. What I have seen, is fear. The fear that others are judging you. I will still be friends with the always/ never people, but I will be easier on myself.

There is only one antidote for this fear.

We need to be kind to others, but first to ourselves. Not out of a self inflated ego or judgment, but out of openness and love. Others may still be judging you, but I promise, you'll be strong enough to overcome it. If not, just put in your pink headphones.

P.S.

Flow chart:

Fear follows insecurity follows judgment