Never say Never...

I used to say never a lot.

Here's the problem with "never."  It is rooted in judgment or fear. And while I do appreciate a strong opinion, for me, the nevers were  boxing me in.

I never run with music. This topic comes up a lot in running circles. And I had my strong opinion on it for years.

This was rooted in a decent period of time, where I ran well without music. I was focused and my head was clear. As the years progressed, there was a part of me that kind of felt superior because I didn't need  music.

Be well Earthlings-- this Viking Warrior Princess never runs with music. She is far too mature for such things.

 And there is the judgment. If there's one thing that will zap the life out of your running, it's judgment. It sneaks up on you too. Like a little devil, it works for a race or two, and you forget it's there. Then a couple years later.. BAM. You are wracked with insecurity, and don't quite know where it came from.

Judgment. All the nevers.

I loosened up a bit. In 2015, if I have a theme for the year, it's "Never say Never."

In March, I swallowed my superior attitude and dug out the pink headphones my trail daughter Haley had given me at the Bear 100. On one unseasonably hot day, at mile 5 of a 9 miler, I put them in. I got a helping of  glorious distraction, topped with a little gratitude my sweat didn't ruin the headphones.

My fear, that I too, needed more than the sounds and beauty of nature to accompany me on my runs was fully confirmed during the Gorge Waterfalls 100k. At  Mile 19 , my inner pacer ( sort of like an imaginary friend, except so much more) decided SHE wanted a dance party. I ran the next 40+ miles to the finish with one headphone in.

A real problem in a long race, is that your mind can start to wander. Sometimes to places it should not go, often corresponding with physical challenges. Your body isn't running as well as you had planned, your nutrition doesn't seem to be working or you just aren't feeling it. You might as well be a crying baby. And like a crying baby, if the music pacifies you, so you can move on. DO IT.

Yes, it is true. I am no better or worse than anyone else. I am just a runner who needs and appreciates a little help from a gadget now and then. Will I always  run with music? Probably not. Always can be just as damaging as never, as it locks you into one little box.

Speaking in "always" "never" terms can cause it's problems too. I have felt when with the "always/never" people that there is  a subliminal pressure, that for us to be friends, I have to feel the same as they do. That it isn't ok, for me to be a "sometimes" or better yet, "as needed or when applicable," person.

And then we are back to judgment. The one commandment no one seems to worry about. But we should.

Because, if we are judging others, chances are we are going to judge ourselves during the rough times, and I have yet to see something positive come from judgment. What I have seen, is fear. The fear that others are judging you. I will still be friends with the always/ never people, but I will be easier on myself.

There is only one antidote for this fear.

We need to be kind to others, but first to ourselves. Not out of a self inflated ego or judgment, but out of openness and love. Others may still be judging you, but I promise, you'll be strong enough to overcome it. If not, just put in your pink headphones.

P.S.

Flow chart:

Fear follows insecurity follows judgment

Leadville 100 , 2014. Owning Mountains. Equilibrium

The most definitive piece of Leadville this year was a calm serenity that prevailed in my mind and running for 29 hours and 22 minutes. It was neither a hyper active highs, grind it out or race to cutoff. It was simply, simple.

My friend Curtis Imrie had sent me a message just before the race:
"it's an adventure in beauty ...not a religious experience...show us what you know, how you have lived,trained...and know attrition and the high country take no prisoners...the unaimed arrow never misses..relax"

 

My friend Thao had shared some wisdom from Ann Trason, which was to rest your mind during the taper. But to truly rest your mind, you also have to be very honest with yourself with what makes your mind  race. That meant some tough decisions.

 

 I had totally streamlined everything about the race. I went with one pacer and half a crew. This was very hard actually, because it meant saying no to a good friend who really wanted to be a part of the race. But I just needed less. I had one person. One very good person. LTC Erin Miller, Mudbabe, 100 mile finisher and friend extraordinarre. Well versed in nutrition, pacing, running fashion and most important- how to have a good time.

 Erin and Me

"Having the wrong pacer is much worse than running alone." - Ian Sharman. (LT 100 Champion 2013)

 

I also had to streamline my social interactions and Leadville society commitments. Instead of staying at the wildly fun, but too stimulating Hostel, I stayed in a combination of two quiet , calm homes. Instead of being the captain of an aid station at the mountain bike race, I climbed half of Massive (god it's massive) with my friend Chris.

4 house mates versus 44.

#724. I liked it

 

(Chris- Do you like her braids? I did them.)

Streamlined, did not however mean eliminating fun, it meant finding it in a new and healthier way. You see, the above mentioned was the kind of fun that is a bit like the frosting on a cupcake. Delicious but not nutritionally sound. I needed steak.

(Look close. There is steak in my teeth. )

"Always work on your weakness. " Pat Fellows .

 

My weakness is hiking and more specifically hiking uphill. Little Kansas rollers of 300  to 500 ft, no problem, because I run them with aplomb. But for some reason, hiking on a mountain, I'm like a hobbled baby goat that can't find it's mother. Last year, I think I sat down 5 times trying to "summit" Hope.

 

That just couldn't happen this year.
 

 So, I worked on it. I got the correct length of hiking poles, I trekked and climbed and took a lot of selfies in beautiful places.  I timed the course so I would have a benchmark for "good." Most important, it became fun.

It is me after all.

 

This training both mentally and physically set me up with confidence, that I could own the mountains and make up time in a spot that sucked it out of me in the past.

I got comfortable with going out climbing alone. But I also made some great memories climbing with more experienced friends.

 

Chris, Lou (age 82) and Stuke you all mean the world to me and I thought of you as I enjoyed my climbs over Hope.

 

"Just remember, Sophia, it's what you love." Lou.

 Lou and me on Hope Pass pre race.

 

"I knew from the minute we started that you were made for mountains. I've seen you climb. You have got this." Stuke.

Stuke and me getting rained of Mt Bellford.

(Climbing practice-Thanks for the photo Stuke)

 

"Sophia- you are much stronger than you were a month ago." Chris.

 a month prior on Elbert with Chris.

 

 

I had another little issue heading into Leadville. A micro tear in my soleus (ankle muscle connected to the calf). It happened randomly on a paved run I did with an account. All of a sudden at mile 5 my calf felt so tight. I wasn't running fast, it just happened. It was three weeks until race day. I cried at first, then got going on a plan. Dry needles twice and some very intense ART and I started stretching and doing eccentric exercises. Most important, I didn't obsess about it, as I knew I needed to rest my mind. I didn't ignore it, but didn't obsess. 

The Race:

Leadville begins with 5 miles of pavement and gravel roads. This was terrifying for me.I needed to warm up the little soleus on the running and walking.  I made a conscious decision to start out really slow. Even so, I had no idea what would happen next. In a race where in the past, I have been surrounded by hundreds of elbowing people, jostling to get ahead before the single track, conga line of Tourquoise lake, I was running nearly alone. I saw the mass of lights ahead of me, and I was peaceful.

There was a porta potty at mile two . (Nice touch Josh, and thanks, I used it.) No line.

It took me 1:09 to get to the single track, but once there, I had the trail almost to myself. I passed a couple people, but there were no masses of people to maneuver around. This meant I was wasting no energy. I was just running and felt grounded from head to sole.

Mayqueen was deserted when I arrived- however, I was only 4 minutes slower than my arrival in 2012, a year I finished. I saw Sandy, the lady who cuts folks who miss cutoff. I let her know she would not be cutting my band as she had the year before.

Many just use trekking poles for Hope Pass. I started at Power Line. Sure it's a hill not a mountain, but I kind of like to use the poles to get a good hammy stretch and set my uphill rhythmn. My plan, set the pace, keep it and don't stop.

My uphills are still not great. I have attributed this to living in Kansas, but it doesn't explain that my downhills are pretty inspiring. However--- Thank you Mister Soleus, I had to be careful on this first downhill. Snapping soleus=DNF.

I get to the aid station , and for a moment worry that I am running too far behind. But I dash that from my thoughts. It would be a waste of energy.  Erin and Kristin were there and got me all set up with an ice bandana. I thought I might not need it but Erin insisted and I am so glad she did.

The next section is what I refer to as the most underestimated section of Leadville and where lots of people blow up. It is: hot and exposed, flattish but actually slightly uphill , and follows your first bomb downhill of an hour. Your legs just sit there saying-- wait-- it's not uphill for me to walk, downhill is an easy run... how about... let's walk. But wait. Your brain says "it's a race, stupid legs, you must run." "But I'm tired brain. I want to walk." -- so as my mind and body started arguing and playing tricks on me, I did my best to manage them. Employing my inner pacer, I came up with a plan. Don't push the running, but don't walk either. Run at whatever pace is comfortable.

It was a bounce type thing.

I felt ridiculous.

But, I'd observed the ground as I walked versus this bounce running.  The bounce running was decidedly faster, plus I like running and it makes me feel better.

 I thought of training with my friend Megan who may lack speed, but makes up for it in wit and conversation. Too often as runners, we pass up people because we think we should be running a certain speed. As I thought of our friendship I became stronger with every step.  Thank you Megan for your strength ,vulnerability and running you share with me.

(Megan and me at the Gov's mansion in Topeka)

I felt so relaxed.

One by one.

I started passing people.

Many would not make it to the finish line.

At the Camelback water- only aid station, I made a smart decision to fill up my pack.  The next bit rolled and then rocked hard down- plus they were set up for water and I could do it quickly, instead of getting separated from the pack at Twin lakes in the cluster that is that aid station.

By the time I got to Twin Lakes, I had a smile on my face and was on fire to take on Hope Pass. I ate avacados, potatoes and soup. We got my shoes changed and  I trotted out, a slight step up from the bouncing. I was only there 5 minutes.

I knew what I was going to do. Set the pace, and never stop.

I still got passed like I was standing still by many other competitors. But my training told me that where I was, and what I was doing was going to get the job done. So I rested my mind as I was passed and focused on the task at hand.

And actually-- an odd thing happened. I did pass quite a few folks. That's a first.

As we climbed,  no one seemed to be in the chatty mood- but I couldn't resist pointing out the second meadow and mentioning that 82 year old Lou had hiked it with me. That got some "wows."

Lou had asked me the day we hiked if I liked getting flowers from men. I told him it depends but that my friend Stuke sends me pictures of wildflowers when he goes out hiking or running. I kind of like that. Here's the one I like best.

Thoughts of beauty and wildflowers swirled in my head. I remembered my solo climbs up hope and those with friends. I leaned down and picked a couple flowers for my hair. A  wildflower in your hair can be one of the greatest pieces of your training since fun is power and beautiful memories can carry you many miles.

(top of Hope on a solo run)

It could not have been a more beautiful Pass Summit. It was warm, but not hot-- cloudy, but not enough to rain. I was ready to bomb down into Winfield.

(race day. Was glorious.)

I chatted and ran down with a fellow named Trent from New Mexico. When I found that out, I asked if his pacer was Travis McWhorter . Travis used to live in KC and I knew he was in Leadville to pace. Yup-- that was Trent's pacer. Gotta love a little 6 degrees at 12,000 feet.

By the time I picked up Erin at mile 50, I knew that I would finish. The new question was how fast? Could I beat the 2012 time?

Erin was such a great pacer. People want or expect different things from pacers, and it can take a while to get a rhythm. Fortunately we knocked out most of the kinks when I paced her at Black Hills 100. Basically it's like this... the runner manages their race, and the pacer goes along for the ride and makes it fun. Much of what we store up are a bunch of inside jokes. References to hot pockets, shady fish mongers and Thai massages are some of our  favorites. But at a 30% grade the most entertaining thing was the occasional fart. (thank you Erin for being funny and tolerant.)

So now everyone I passed on the down was passing me on the up. But I stood my ground politely. If I stopped to let someone pass, I made sure I was taking a drink, or eating something. If there was a whole group, I would explain that I was moving to the right, but would not be stopping. This allowed me to stay in control of my race and pace and not give up. I also didn't allow the fact that people were passing me to cause me anxiety. With several of them familiar faces, I knew I was going to pass them on the way down.

Another part of my strategery in tackling Hope is that I sectionalize it into 3 parts.
Aspen trees
Red Quartz rocks
Switchbacks

Without the sections, I used to get out of the Aspens and feel like I should be done. Emotionally draining. Now it's is it's own little accomplishment.

As we travelled through section two one of my passers by complimented me on my earrings (wildflowers). Before I could even say thank you, he'd dived down, plucked a flower and handed it to me. A purple one, to balance out the yellow. It was a charming gesture and I appreciated it.

Erin was managing the traffic from the rear so I could focus on moving--  I was excited to point out a nifty landmark on the trail. While doing the pass earlier in the week with Stuke, he noticed a little "vacation bungalow," tucked away in the woods. Numerous climbs up and down over the past 5 years, and I had never noticed it-- for your pleasure, I have added some photos. It's a small cabin with a chamber pot, slat for a bed and hole in the ceiling to let out smoke. It would take a Llama to get a stove up there. You just wonder who put it there and why.

Then there was retching guy. So gross.

"OH that is not what I need to hear." Erin.
A first indication.

We crested the pass and there was a long line of people picking their way down. Eventually I politely let them know that Erin and I would safely be passing them as they had passed us on the up.

When we got to the Hope aid station, Erin got the last cup of coke, which it turned out she needed because she had gotten food poisoning the night before. Erin lives in Key West- so she'd come from 12 to 12,600 in a matter of days. Now add the food poisoning. But true LTC that she is, she rallied for the Pass. She was willing to take a break and pace another section, but again, I am in simple mode and told her to rest. My head was clear and my legs strong. We bombed down like beastly Viking Warrior Princesses and I went on my way solo.

Although I ran alone for the next 40 miles, I have never felt less alone in my life. I felt Erin's commitment to fun and knew her experience and efficiency would be there at each aid station where she crewed me.

 I thought about my brother Philip and how supportive he is of what I do, not because he shares my passion, but because he understand what it means to desire and do something well. Even if it's something different than what he loves, he never holds me back from my dreams. He also does a great job explaining my weird to our parents who find my adventures a bit scary.

If it is possible to be equal parts laid back and passionate, my friend Stuke is just that. I am so fortunate to have shared some good times, passionate climbs and epic vistas with him during race week. And at this point in the race, I knew he had seen the splits over the mountain- and again, I felt like he and my other friends were with me.

Because they were.

I ran really well into Half Pipe and was on a serious runner's high. I changed into some warmer clothes,  but should have changed into warmer tights.

I started to feel my calf and soleus get cold and  tight, so I made a decision to play it safe so I could finish injury - free, and walk more. This was hard pavement which was what triggered the initial injury. As soon as I got to the grass and thought I could run, I was treated to Marty the Marmot sized potholes. So I walked it into Outward bound. Erin got me in warmer tights and took a photo for Philip. That made me emotional but happy, and I adventured on.

The climb up Power line was steady, but slow. Ran down. Tackled the rocky rooty single track into Mayqueen.

Saw Erin- made Nascar - like wardrobe change (Thank you Erin for thinking ahead and always having what I need, and knowing the names of all my Mizuno products.) And I was off for the final bit.

Running the little downs was starting to hurt. I still made every effort to get some speed and keep moving well-- but it was harder than it had been in 2012. But my mind was still glorious. I was where I was and was going to finish. I tried to do a hit of the inhaler and my asthmatic lungs were so tired, I couldn't even hold in the medicine for 5 seconds. Oh well.

I got a compliment on my side braid and trekked it in.

Adrenaline is such a powerful drug. Hurt and stiff legs.. I ran the last 200 yards in, crossed the line and nearly suffocated in Merilee's hair on the hug.

Erin was there and caught the moment and my goal was accomplished and complete.

I remember when I qualified for Boston. A friend asked if it was everything I hoped it would be. He knew the answer- that the journeys leading to it had actually been much more exciting than the actual event.

This Leadville finish was very different than that day in Columbus , Ohio. In this race, so many bits and pieces of my life and friendships interplayed all along the way. Where it truly was exactly as my friend Curtis Imire said it would be.

 

 

Why Suck Ups Suck..The Dark Vortex and 10 reasons why they SUCK.

"Nerds are just assholes disguised as suck ups."- Natasha McBroom (Erhlich)

 

 

This is not a funny blog. I write this because the most dangerous person I ever dated was not the handsome "classic asshole," but a "nice guy," who people saw as "crazy about me." Crazy- is a good word.

So, Why do Suck ups do it? Mostly to hide and because it's easy. The scary part is that many hide dangerous qualities, and it can often be too late when we realize we have been sucked into "The Dark Vortex."


 1.Insecurity.
2. Lack of vulnerability.
3. Jealousy. Lack of nurturing.
4. Lack of Empathy.

Let me explain:

Insecurity: The insecure man will smother you with compliments. "You're so cool." "I miss you." "I want you by my side." He'll tell you he loves you within the first 3 days and be planning out a life together.   He'll declare that you can have space, but you never feel it. This suck up is impatient and weak.  The moment he doesn't get what he wants from you, he will move on to settle for someone else.
       How you will feel: Drained. Guilty because he seems so nice, yet all the compliments seem to need a reciprocation you aren't ready to give. Surreal. "But he's such a nice guy." Why do you feel drained? Because the compliments often have more to do with his need versus your feelings. The insecure man needs validation. Often this validation  is found in dating someone who is what they wish they were, instead of becoming an authentic person who is what they want to be. Or at the least can separate admiration, from sucking up. The insecure, also need validation constantly wherever they can get it. So don't be surprised if they start sucking up to everyone but you (you are boring to them) when new people are around-- it may be to help your friends, a complete stranger during a race, another woman in charge of a project that has nothing to do with your work etc. Anything to get this desperately sought after validation.
     Why we stay with them: These are often the really weird intellectual types with a lack of social skills. We tell ourselves that we are less superficial if we give them a chance. We even try to help. (At least I have.) We help them with their wardrobe, social skills and body language, but unfortunately until they realize that dating someone cool doesn't make them cool, they are just simply a suck - up.  With one fellow, I asked him kindly to monitor , and instead of the onslaught of compliments, instead to ask me how I'm feeling. Despite the man's high IQ, he just couldn't handle it and settled for someone else. (How I felt then? relieved.)
You will also feel:  left out, abandoned and hurt when they start worrying about everyone and everything over you. Get used to it though. It will happen whenever there are multiple people around.

2. Lack of Vulnerability:  Vulnerability is a powerful component in a healthy loving relationship. The opposite of  vulnerability is control. Oddly, the controlling suck - up manages to hide this lack of vulnerability quite well. They are always a step ahead. Taking control of your social situations, goals, and plans. Because they always need something in return , they are often mooches. They may take over a situation like a camping trip with your girlfriends, taking on an irritating parental vibe. Externally it seems that they are so nice and helpful. But wait? Looking back you realize they were staying for FREE in your hotel room, your tent and that these are actually your friends. While they may be cooking breakfast, the suck up who lacks vulnerability doesn't seem to care that no one is hungry and puts the needs of everyone else above yours. They want to control what you need, so they can be comfortable, look good, but most of all avoid vulnerability. This one is scary
Clue: that you are with a controlling person. They say things like "I was bragging on you the other day." They are controlling when they are supportive. Trust me when you really need it, they will be ignoring you in a group conversation and staring and the, much more interesting, popcorn ceiling.
         How you will feel: Empty, misunderstood, abandoned and  unloved. As if nothing you say makes sense. And that every request is unreasonable. Why? Because they have chosen what they will do for you and what you need. They know you are a polite person, so they will make you feel as if you are being rude, if you say you 1. Don't need what they are insisting on doing. 2. Need something else - especially if it makes them feel vulnerable.
       Why we stay with them: because the acts of service add up. It takes a long time to see that very few were actually what we wanted, or if it was what we wanted, the situation quickly got out of our control and we became controlled by Mr. In Charge. Because, it wouldn't be called "control," if it didn't control. Often they are highly organized and easy to live with since they clean up after themselves (but don't ask them to put the toilet seat down after they pee.. that would be a request, and agreeing would make them feel vulnerable.) They seem stable and responsible.

3. Jealousy: The opposite of Jealousy is  encouragement and nurturing. At first it will seem as if this person admires you, and you'll get sucked in. They will ask for your help on their running or their blog. They will act as if they care about your opinion when it is to their advantage. But they will never share this energy with you in return. They may in one sentence say they read your blog only to, in the next sentence, give themselves credit for your latest Moniker. Yes, these people steal. They may at first say they "admire" that your friends will jump in and help you when asked, but their jealously will take over and soon you are separated from that group of friends and catering to the person. They try to steal your friends.  They may even let you know when they feel jealous over even the smallest of things that you do better.
     How you will feel: MAJORLY drained. You feel bad maybe even depressed. A loss of self. You'll help them over and over with their goals, yet yours will fail as they have taken over your goals and made you feel inadequate. They will achieve their goals with the nurturing and encouragement you give. Because anything you do better makes them feel bad and you are empathetic, you will subconsciously fail, so they can feel better.
    Why we stay with them: By this point, you are starting to feel like without them you would be even worse off. Often these jealous types are manipulative. You feel sorry for them, so you continue to give. You will no doubt, end up with similar hobbies.

  4. Selfishness: Many might suggest that generosity is the opposite of Selfishness. Actually generosity is often a means to mask selfishness. The real opposite of Selfishness is Empathy. So the suck up is lacking empathy. Taken to the top degree, this is a very dangerous person. Let's face it. Corporate America is built on suck - ups. Micro managing, narcissistic jerks who rise to the tops with their noses reeking of upper management Kaka. So, they often have some expendable cash hanging around to solve their relationship problems Truth is, money is cheap, understanding is priceless. They mask their lack of empathy by buying you stuff. Lots of it.  They feel self entitled because they make enough money to do so. They feel they own you. If you actually need anything they provide, they make you feel guilty or patronize you that you are in a position similar to their children. They feel better than everyone based on their income and accomplishments. They are jealous if your accomplishments are greater. They are confused if you don't base your attraction only on their accomplishments.
     How they make you feel: confused. guilty. angry. surreal. manipulated. abused.  This is the person, who no matter what reason you give to them for why you can't talk to them "that minute" on the phone just can't understand and judges. It could be that you are at your brother's and a guest is over for dinner, or you are preparing for a visit from your boss.


The Spiraling Suck - Up. (Usually happens when you try to disconnect.)

Most people have a little 1. and 2. in their make-up. We just can't help it. Insecurities exist and opening up to vulnerability is hard.

 But... the jealous and selfish suck-up who also possess the other 2 qualities are the ones to watch out for. And remember... I am talking about NERDS here. They may be goofy or super intelligent, dress weird or act and talk funny. You'll think at first that if you don't give them a chance, you are superficial. Don't worry, even after a year together when you try to break it off, they will make you feel as if you are superficial, so you might as well nip it in the bud.

If you stay too long and finally break up with a suck up you could get a spiraler.  They will most certainly be defensive. It doesn't matter if they said they'd give you space. They will judge you to high heaven and act as if somehow you are to blame for the problems in the relationship. Whether it be that they wouldn't listen and ask how you feel instead of sucking up, your email breakup  or whether you didn't appreciate all the self - help books they sent you. Trust me, when it comes to suck-ups, the only person to blame for problems is you. Why so defensive? Why so MEAN? Because you are taking away their biggest weapon. Their easy -to- use sucking up. The only thing they know how to do. It's easy, controllable, stealthy and in the short term delivers. It gives them sympathy from the outside world and the ability to be the victim. The danger here....   The spiralers, will stalk you out on social media.  There will be no real empathy for why you wanted to disembark and there will probably be much judgment. They will cry and make you feel so sorry for their pain.  They will become a victim suddenly as they desperately try to win you back. But it will still all be sucking up. They will NOT let you feel ok about anything (because that would be called empathy) . For example:
They won't let you even feel generous, if in a break-up you give them the tent YOU bought and shared together. They'll send it back to make you feel bad, then borrow it from your friends and never return it. Why? Because jealous people STEAL.

They over connect: This is often a post break-up suck up action. They make WAY more of the relationship than is worthy. Conversations, interactions, feelings or hobbies. Meanwhile, never acknowledging the things you told them that were real concerns- but yet if you mention that they SAY they are listening to you more than any other man has. Or claim that YOU are not listening to them.

Remember sociopaths and narcissists are defined by their lack of empathy. The Dangerous Suck Up is a Sociopath or Narcissist who simply lacks charisma -- a NERD.  


Here's the problem. I grew up in the "Revenge of the Nerds," generation  where the premise of the movie was  that the Nerds were the "good guys," just misunderstood. Charismatic Assholes, the bad guys who will treat you terribly. But I am going to heartily disagree.

Here are the top ten reasons why Suck - ups suck.
1. They are insincere.
2. They steal.
3. They are selfish.
4. They lack empathy
5. They don't listen
6. Desperation is unattractive.
7. They are jealous
8. They are mean
9. insecurity is just not sexy.
10. They suck your soul

Finally... (and thank you if you have gotten this far) the biggest reason suck ups suck??? Because at their highest level of performance as a human and friend, the best they will ever be is a Suck Up.
p.s. to all the slightly insecure, jealous, selfish, controlling dudes out there... there is hope for you. But you will probably have to enlist some professional help.

 

Scarry Perry...

It happened again... with nearly 2 miles to go I felt a calm pass over me. It was time to savor the last mile plus of terrain. Rocky, rooty, hilly terrain.

It had been another long, hot day.

After the race I went up to my friend and former fiancée, Ben, the race director.

"What is the vertical out there? 7,000? Is it really 7,000?"

"It's 7100 gain and 7100 loss, Sophia-- and that's by Garmin."

Kansas. Isn't. Flat.

I've been having a mini love affair with Kansas since January. While it may not boast the majesty of Colorado or ocean waters of California, it is a very livable state, even for a trail runner. Especially for a trail runner.

All winter, sunny and 20. The spring? Full of friends and mudtastic splashes and dashes through the woods. That lasted about 3 weeks. Now it's just hot. And humid, but the friends are still there in force.

I'll take altitude any day. The higher the better, but layer on the humidity and I am pretty miserable. Combine that with my other enemy heat, and it's a brace of misery... yet.... 2014 Sophia seems to be embracing this 1-2 punch. Like a Weeble that Wobbles but won't fall down.

Ok-- if you didn't grow up in the '70's, you won't get the reference. But should watch this video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFzhjnjXc2o

At some point in 2013, I started calling the trails at Lake Perry, Scary Perry. Probably after being taken on a wild bike ride on the "easy" trails with Cathy Riedy, the trail stewards wife. I'd bounced, bumped, steered, veered and careened with brake full -on, on  the right and half-on ,  on the left  for 10 miles.

"Sophia, they rate the trails in comparison to the other trails in the park.."

 You get it right? There really is no "easy" stuff at Perry.

I boast a 4 inch scar on my left leg from one of these races.. but still, I can honestly say, I have never had a bad race on this course. Sure, there was the night race soaked in humidity where it was not raining, yet brushing against a leaf left my face gross with wetness. I looked ahead and saw a man's hairy, exposed shoulder at face level and knew I been gooed by his sweat. Ew.

I digress.

My super, duper, awesome, beautiful, strong trail running friend Mindy who deserves to be a STAR in a blog post of mine (yeah-- unfortunately one of those I never wrote-- Leadville 2012, when she paced me 50 miles to a personal victory of finishing) came and stayed with me the night before.

So fun.

Chipotle. Hair dos. Wardrobe crisis. Dog love. (Her dogs Boogie-- booger? and Chessa visited.)

Mindy is a winner, and a great regional treasure of a runner-- but has been coming back since the Ozark Trail 100. I've just been coming back.

" Ok Mins, so who do we have for competition in this race?"
"Well, there's a gal who's consistently put down some great marathon times"

Truth is , this is just chat. I knew who my competition was. 2008 Sophia. 5:43 for the 50k.

"What are you going to run Mindy?"
"My PR is 5:15 (SOLID) but I'll be happy with 5:30.
"That bitch 2008 Sophia did 5:43, but it's going to be HOT, I'll be happy under 6."


So, we each entered with challenges, although different. Hers, recovery from her 100, and some good, but not her best performances recently. Mine, overtraining, and recovering from the voice within, a year of getting away with minimal training, and another year of not getting away with it.

I'd agreed to run with my friend Bryan West. We'd had an awesome training run together a month prior-- but I felt I should have warned him that I was RACING.

He's been kind about it, but although my start was gracious (12:30 for 2 miles-- then 12's until mile 5), I was ready to keep that pace, and drop it lower. Only way to do it? Run the hills. However, before I began that relentless struggle, I did impart good will on Bryan, Carol and my very dear and amazing friend Terri. Seeing them gave me strength for what I did next.

Hill Loop 1
Sophia: "I got this thing. Wow , my legs are strong." Over and over.
Finish loop 1: 2:50 
Sophia: "hmm.. a little fast. I feel pretty good, wonder if I can do another loop the same.
Hill Loop 2
Sophia: "I got this thing. Hmm.. legs don't feel as great."
Sophia: " Oh shit. You ran this the first loop. Gotta grind up it."
Sophia: "C'mon Sophia, this isn't a 100 miler, you can't walk all the hills. Hell, Sophia, it's not even a 50 miler."
Sophia: "You know Mindy ran this. She's probably 45 minutes ahead of you."

Grind. Grind. Grind.

There was THE LONG HILL. Ben and Dave Wakefield had put signs with some sayings on them intermittently. I have little idea what they said, as I ran it both loops.

Pick, pick , pick. Pick them off. One by one. Always on the uphills.

" Just let me know if you want to pass." me
" Oh no. YOu are running the uphills."

I was all business. My plan-- drop the pack with 2 miles to go and just get some ice and water in my Mizuno bottle and try, try to get in under 6.

It was going to be close. And part of me was disappointed. Why couldn't I beat the 5:43 time? Did I run too fast on the first loop? Am I just lame and stiff? (I felt stiff. I felt dead. And warm.)

I kept running.

19 minutes. That's what it took in loop one to do the stupid "extra bit."

I got to the aid station and had 24 minutes to  finish the race. My 19 minute equation didn't include the UPHILL to the finish.

All I could do was just keep doing what I had been doing, and that is when the calm set in. It had been another long, hot , well executed day.

I finished in 5:54 and change.

As I rounded the corner, I saw the Mizuno pop up I had packed in my car up and my friends tailgaiting, cheering me in. My friends were all set up-- and we were going to have fun together reliving our races, and cheering in the rest of our group.

I cried a little as I crossed the finish line, and found out I was 2nd female. I figured Mindy was long gone, but she came over and said she'd only just finished about 15 minutes prior. Funny, we both executed our races similarly, running smart but a bit faster in the early morning before the heat, and had a reasonable positive split for a strong finish. I may  never get back the speed of 2008 Sophia, but 2014 Sophia, has a sophistication and strength that is honest and sustainable, and I am not sure I would trade it. But I will build on it, and see where it goes.

Jasmyn skirt is so cute.

Strong finish.

 

2nd place female.

 An extra finish with my Mudbabe friends.

 

 

 

chickie who we thought would be fast. She was not.

running with Bryan early on.

Ashley running strong and smart.

Erica. always a beast.

Jerri. Using the salt plan.

Mel. Trying Ucan from me.

Mindy!! Headed for a Win!! running all hills.

Hot and Happy. I love Kansas.

 

Carol. Coming back from bonk.

 Aid station greatness.

 Headed in for Sub 6. All business.

 Can you see up my skirt?

 Lip gloss. Nice on chapped lips.

Star treatment. Rub. Rub.

Chicken dance form? Airing the pits? Favorite photo ever.

post race. so happy.

 VWP braids flying!

More Terri. More.

Post race hang:

Cheeseburger with extra pickles! Yum

Thanks to Brian Forbes for grilling the burgers. This hang was so great, because everyone was comfortable, happy and well fed. Terri had brought the best of Constantinos and got everything out and rubbed down my legs. TERRI!!!!!!!! You are such an amazing friend that is like my family-- really, better often. Thank you for taking the time to get everything set up and make everyone feel so good. And congrats on your awesome race.

Salt Ramble:
On Monday of this week, I had had the Mudbabes do a salt test, so we would know how much or little to take. Erin had figured this out based on an article she read on Endurance buzz and it was working. So, many of those who ran at Perry did the salt test... and trusted my math and spreadsheet I provided. On this hot, sweaty day, the salt test proved very helpful. Not just in science, but confidence which then releases some energy that would be wasted on the --"am I taking enough, too little," chatter that can clutter minds. Instead it was " yeah baby. I got this."

That was smart.

Final Bit: I AM SO PROUD OF Ashley Shaw-- except.. I don't even know if I deserve to be. I didn't even know she was doing her first 50k (6:36!!!!!!!) Smart, and great splits!!!!! She came and did the salt test. She tells me she's been listening as we all chat about our strategies etc. But, I am just amazed at her mental and physical strength and what a great job she did. Much admiration/.

GEAR breakdown:
Mizuno Inspire 10: Still my favorite Inspire.
Jasmyn skirt: Ok-- it's a bit big in medium-- but so light even when you sweat like a pig.
No chaffing.

Nutrition:
Alternated chocolate Ucan, Tailwind, a couple Humas.
Maybe could have done a bit more-- but it was a short race.